


How we always miss each other

by tomsfan



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 10:26:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9487193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomsfan/pseuds/tomsfan
Summary: Hello everyone! This is my first fan fiction and all feedback is welcomed. :)Original post on the tumblr account: @hushyourimaginationistalkingThe story is inspired by my own image:Imagine:Having a small fight with Bucky during his holidays, and you showed up at his front door for reconciliation before he went back to the frontEnormous thanks to my beautiful, talented friend @arelyhb who kindly offered her time to be my beta and gave me constructive advice.Enjoy<3<3<3





	

From afar, you could see your fiancé walking close.

You were here to apologise.

—

The thing was that: your fiancé , Bucky Barnes, have few days off and he planned a double date with you, Steve and another girl to an exposition. 

He told you to meet at the entrance but didn’t notice the fact that there were two different ones. Therefore, the result was you waited at gate A while the other three waited for you at B.

Ten minutes later, you finally decided to check up another entrance and unfortunately, they felt the same. So when you arrived, you saw no one.

Another ten minutes passed, you began to feel nervous. You walked back to gate A and this time you saw Steve and his date who looked desperate to leave.

Steve saw you and called your name. you shouted back

“Hey, Steve! Where’s James?”

Steve told you you may have missed each other on the way. Few minutes later, Bucky went back. 

He opened his arms as soon as he saw you. 

“Oh god, I miss you.” 

He was ready to hug you but you didn’t let him.

“By miss you mean mentally or the fact that we literally passed by each other two times?”

“Oh c'mon. I know it’s my bad. I’m sorry. Now, can we get in?”

Maybe it was his carelessness or the anxiety which kicked in whenever he was away and you hid from him, but either way, you lost it all of a sudden.

“Find another girl to go with you. I’m going home.”

“What?!” Both men asked 

You didn’t know why you lied “I’m having my lady problem. I’m leaving.”

You ran away before Bucky could stop you. 

—

After that day, you didn’t see each other. One reason is that you were mad that he did find another girl to be with him, another is that Bucky himself was worrying about Steve. His tiny friend going to war.

“Hi.” you spoke.

“My mom not in the house?” he stopped in front of you, asking.

You shook you head, “Everybody is out. Your mum went to visit a friend, so did Becca.”

He did not respond. You took a deep breath, looking up to meet his eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

“There was no reason for me to embarrass you like that. I was– I don’t know what happened to me.”

Deep down, you knew you’d vent your anxiety, frustration and fear to him, but you couldn’t admit it to him. He didn’t need to know that. 

“I guess I just… overreacted.“ 

“It’s my fault.” He interrupted you, “I should think of that. Mum said you didn’t sleep well recently. She said you’re nervous all the time.”

Bucky’s words suddenly reminded you why you chose him. He’s your lover but before that, he’s your best friend.

He uncovered your lies and saw your heart curling inside. You were naked as a newborn in front of him, and his gazes, his touch were as pure and affectionate as the mother. It was not about sordid lust.

The war may have taken away your childhood innocence but his words reminded you that you were pure with each other. There was no need to hide. 

“There are reports about how brave your unit is,” you choked a little at that, “I pray for you every night.”

You felt embarrassed of yourself. Praying; what a useless work. Of what use an ordinary girl be during war?

“How I wish I could fight with you,” you turned your head around, fighting back your tears, but they still rolled down your checks. Bucky gently wiped them away. You gave him a weak smile. “But the army won’t accept a woman who can’t even fight back her tears, would they?”

He pulled you into a tight embrace, not knowing what to say.

He caressed your back and scattered kisses on your hair.

“You’re gonna take care of my family aren’t you? Take care of them for me.”

You buried your face deeper against his chest. Your nails dug into his uniform.

You both understand your duties, but sometimes, you craved doing more than what you needed to, and pain emerged when people found they couldn’t.

"If that’s all I can do. I promise I’ll do it well.”

You were mother and son, father and daughter. You kept each other company. You protected each other with all your strength. Despite sometimes, protecting your loved ones didn’t means to stand beside them, but be left behind, taking care of people they loved.

Something flew across your mind, igniting another concern.

You broke free from his arms and tiptoed, arms desperately climbing up his strong shoulders, surrounding his neck. Your eyes frantically searched for his. Your hands were in his hair, maybe you grabbed it a little too hard.

“There’s rumour… Steve told me something,” there’s lump in your throat. you ignored it, focusing on what you were trying to tell

“he didn’t speak plainly because he wasn’t supposed to tell me. But…” you swallowed hard, “Government is finding people… People who are ‘special’ to… to do some kind of…. things. A hero, or a monster, maybe.”

You looked down and shook your head, sort-out your thoughts and pressed down the radical fear.

“I don’t know what’s that, but it’s defiantly not good.” you stared into his eyes. His face full of seriousness and worries. His arms wrapped you tight and firm like a pair of pliers

“If you heard anything, if they tell you anything, if they want to recruit you, James, don’t. Even though they tell you how much you could help your country, don’t say yes. Please.”

You wrapped his face in your hands, caressing it. Your words weren’t more than a plea

“I’m just an ordinary girl who can hardly keep up with her man. Don’t be a hero, James. Please, be safe for me.”

You stayed in silence for a couple minutes. You could saw he was pondering in his head. Then suddenly, in a swift motion, he carried you in his arms and kicked open the door.

“I’m a soldier,” he whispered “so I’m always loyal to my queen.”

 

Next day, he left. He promised he would come back to you.

 

Eight months later, you received two letters; one from the Army, and another one from Steve. You covered your mouth with your hands, didn’t dare to cry too loud.

 

Two weeks later, a soldier knocked on the door. 

He told you Captain America didn’t trust the delivery, so he asked him to return Sergeant Barnes’ belongings.

You took the package, thanked the soldier and led James’ mother into the house. You were the only one not shedding tears.

That night, you slept on Bucky’s bed and put his pillow beside yourself as usual, a botched attempt to imitate his warm body. 

Rebecca walked in the room.

“Mom told me to give this to you. She hopes it can help you sleep better.”

She gave you a jacket and you couldn’t form a complete sentence to thank her.

“Thank you for staying with us.” Rebecca hugged you and finally you cried out on her shoulder.

“You should be my sister-in-law.” you whispered, crying so hard that you thought you were going to faint.

She patted your back, allowed your tears to wet her hair “I miss him too.”

 

Despite you and Bucky never getting married officially, you stayed with the Barnes’.

You supported the family and Steve as well. The letters from Steve were once your biggest comfort, and one day, you lost it.

 

During the post-war, you met Peggy Carter for the first time and eventually created a lifelong bound with her.

You admired, or even cared about her. Peggy is your dream self. She fought side-by-side with Steve and Bucky. She have the ability to protect them and more people. You felt your best friends had came back around whenever you were with Peggy. 

Being an ordinary civilian, you helped the poor, gave Peggy a helping hand when she was almost overloaded by her missions.

“Have you paid Peggy a visit today?”

“This morning. She’s quite well.”

A smile lit up your wrinkled face and a curve crept on Steve’s lips but soon faded. He looked down

“Peggy said you’d be her shelter every time she needs it. I’m sorry I can’t bring back Bucky for you.”

Words can kill, so did Steve’s permanent sorrow. You’d die to bear his cross for him.

However, you were just an ordinary girl, how could you carry a hero’s grief? 

“Steve, don’t force me to get out my bed and break my old bones, because I really want to punch you in the face now.”

He let out a short chuckle. His eyes full of sorrow.

You both failed at protecting each other.

“I saw him. He’s alive. We’ll find him and take him home. I promise, I promise you.”

“It’s good.” your voice were so weak like the smoke in the air, soon be blown away. Your eyelids were heavy “It’s really good, Steve.”

 

“Steve, I don’t want to die.” That night, you were in your best condition since you had fallen sick. Peggy had passed away a week earlier.

You watched his still young face with tears. 

You’d already failed on protecting Steve so many times. You watched him been beat up in the alley and couldn’t did a thing. You let the war ravaged him and end up took him away. Ever since he woke up, grief consumed him and all your attempt at reducing the agony were in vain. Now, you were going to add a fatal blow. The thought knowing yourself will be the culprit of hurting Steve slit you apart, but you have no power to stop it. 

You were helpless, perplexed. At your deathbed, you became the girl always asked Steve and Bucky for help again. 

He was on the verge of tears. His voice choked.

Steve found it hard to comfort you. He’s the hero. He should held his broken heart on his own and let you go in peace. Yet, he can’t pretended he’ll be okay. He was just a Brooklyn boy, wasn’t ready for the loss. 

“We’re close. You just… just stick for a little longer okay? Buck is coming back home. When he comes back, everything will be alright.” he pleaded.

His pleas ruined you.

You were not strong enough, you can’t protect the hero–

However, that didn’t stop you from trying.

You raised an trembling hand to wipe tears away, in vain. They dried on your face. 

“I leave all my property to you, but, don’t keep them.” Steve looked up again and opened his mouth but said nothing. He saw the girl who always let tears roll down her face but never let them bring her down.

“If he remembers me, tell him I mis– I’m happy that he’s back. And dwelling in the past will do him no good. Mend what he can, let go what he can’t. If he doesn’t, never mention me in front of him.”

The man hesitated, so you begged him

“Steve, you’re doomed to suffer this pain and I’m so sorry I can’t help you.”

“But please, protect James for me, would you?”

You can’t protect the hero, but heroes, they can protect each other.

He forced the saddest smile

“I will.”

Your duty was to look after their loved ones. The boys were the least of your worries. You’d accomplished your duty now. 

“I can’t remember most things. But when I think of her, I feel… warm.”

“Because that’s what she was, Buck. Lights others and consumed herself.”

They stand in silence, until it starts to drizzle.

Steve turns around to leave and motion Bucky to follow. 

Before he leaves, for some reason, he kneels down to touch the headstone and few words slip through his mouth

“I miss you.”

Fin.


End file.
